Evolution has provided babies with wonderful ways to get the loving attention and care that they need from you. Your baby's cry is his most primitive and powerful tool. When he cries from distress, you know to nurse him, change his diaper, or have a cuddle.

But by the time he is 2 or 3 months old, he has a new nonverbal gesture that is just as powerful: a dazzling smile or crooked grin that melts your heart and brings you great joy. Here are a few other nonverbal tools your baby has crafted to help him communicate his feelings and to feel safe and secure.

"Hold Me Close"
Why do babies seem to hang on for dear life? Look at baby primates -- they clutch and hold onto their mothers' furry bodies with all their might. A human baby also uses clutching to feel safe and secure. She tugs on your hair or touches your neck. While nursing, she curls a tiny hand around your finger to feel the security of your presence.

By 9 or 10 months, your baby will express pleasure in getting to know you by trying to feed you, poke fingers into your mouth, or pull at your eyeglasses to see what is actually part of you and what is not. As you endlessly untangle your hair or necklace from baby fingers, try to stay aware of and appreciate her vigorous efforts at getting acquainted. At this stage, your baby is getting ready to paddle off and become a separate person. Learning about your clothing and adornments is one way for her to keep the memory of you secure as she crawls bravely toward unknown adventures.

"Show Me, Tell Me"
At 9 months, your baby brings you a toy so you can make it work. Or he puts your hand on the toy he wants to set in motion. With this clever gesture, he ensures that you will make the toy move -- something too difficult for him to manage.

Be proud that your infant understands cause and effect! In other words, he knows that in order for a toy to work, there must be an agent. And if he cannot manage the toy alone, he realizes that he can use gestures to get you, his special adult, to be that helpful agent.

At about 10 months, your baby will achieve a new ability. With an imperious use of his index finger and some babbling, he figures out how to draw your attention and communicate what he needs -- such as for you to get a certain doll down from the shelf. He hears a fire-engine siren outside and points to the window to attract your attention so you can comment on the noise and interpret it.

"Read My Moves"
Gestures are a baby's way of responding to words. By 10 to 12 months, your baby lifts her arms to say, "Please pick me up and carry me over to see what's happening!" By 1 year, she will wave "bye-bye" in response to your verbal request. If you put on music and urge her to dance, she might happily do so. Babies under a year old have few words. Using gestures is an important way for them to communicate their needs and interests. Your prompt attention helps your baby feel competent. When you understand her repertoire, you're a wonderful play partner.

"Walk This Way"
Once your child learns to walk, he is able to show you clearly where he wants to go and what he wants to explore. Watch where he toddles: He may be determined to get to that interesting toy in the corner. Identify it for him and cheer him on. Here are some other ways toddlers use body signals to get your attention:

• Diving into your lap for reassurance. If you're in a chair, your toddler may bring you a book and climb into your lap -- a gesture that calls out for comfort and indicates "Read to me, please!" When you're sitting on the floor next to her as she plays, she may crawl all over you to show affection.
  
  
• Signaling physical needs. Sleepy toddlers often rub their eyes, blink, and whine. Notice when your child suddenly wilts and needs you to cuddle and soothe him to sleep. Hungry toddlers are frequently cranky. Be alert to wordless signals that indicate your child needs a drink and a nutritious meal or snack.
  
  
• Developing gentle gestures. Toddlers sometimes dash around and fling toys and food -- they're not yet skilled at controlling wrist and arm movements. Teach gentle motions. Lightly hold your hand over your child's hand as you demonstrate how to pat the doggy gently. In the same way, show her how to hold her wrist so that her food stays on the spoon.
  
  
• Using body language to communicate fear. Is your toddler somewhat uncertain with people or animals he doesn't know? If he stands solemnly in front of a gerbil cage with his hands protectively in front of him, he's giving you a sign to go easy. Notice his wary feelings and respect his desire for a slower, more cautious introduction to the unfamiliar.

Toddlers respond to many words with gestures. Be encouraging so your child gets lots of practice. If you ask her, she will get a specific toy, roll a ball, tilt her sippy cup to ask for a drink, cover the baby bear with a blanket, or show you her shoes or her tummy. Use your words and cheerful requests to investigate and enrich your child's gesture repertoire, and she will get the message that you hear exactly what she is -- or isn't -- saying.

Alice Sterling Honig, Ph.D., is professor emerita of child development at Syracuse University in New York.

From Parent & Child Magazine

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